God's Corner

Sometimes, when we find ourselves falling for a certain person, we tend to ask this universal question: “Is it true love?” How can we finally know if it really is?

Most of us would fall into a rebound relationship, conquests from prospects to prospects hoping that each of us would finally find that ‘right person’. Sad to say, in every conquests we undertake we always fall into the delusion that “this guy is different among others” and end up getting ourselves hurt from that break-up; and repeating the cycle all over. Fitting a certain person into our lives when things just don’t work is a wrong idea. As individuals with respect in our self-worth, we should be aware of what we want in a relationship, including its secrets to a better one.

Based on personal experiences and advices of majority of my friend experts and professional ones, here are the secrets or qualities of a strong and for-keeps relationship.

We should be friends

IT’S A MUST! Although some are into blind dates for that desperate attempt for someone to have and hold, I strongly believe that couples should develop friendship first before taking into the next level. I mean, how can you love someone whom you don’t know that much? Aside from having friendship as your foundation in a strong relationship, it is best to get to know each other first than fooling yourselves in a “love-at-first-sight” idea. Love isn’t just attraction and looks can be very deceiving, so as first impressions—that’s why it is so important, however hard as it can be, to be good friends first before being lovers. Know his or her family background and his values and how these two characteristics can fit into your personality. In that way, and through the course of the years you have been together, you will finally thank yourself that you have known each other better before convincing yourselves in going steady. When both of you are finally certain that you really are now friends, then here comes the next level.

The act of acceptance

Being friends isn’t enough for a strong relationship. We should take in mind that true friendship is also an act of acceptance. Because both of you are individuals who has different personalities, then this next level might be a bit hard for you to adjust on each other. In this level, you will experience that you and your partner may have differences in some aspects either in hobbies, interests or way of living. Moreover, this second level is an important one, as your ‘feelings’ will be tested over the course of time. Adjustment may be too long and hard, but the rewards are satisfying. But we should take note that acceptance just comes out naturally, and we shouldn’t please each other if things just don’t work out. When you can say to yourself that you can HONESTLY accept his flaws, his upbringing, and his habits; then you have finally succeeded this level and comes another one.

Trust, and its importance

Another important part in a relationship is trust. I believe that when you have already adjusted on each other, trust just naturally comes, but it still depends on how much depth each one will pour out that trust. In this level, both of you will finally discover the depths of each one’s personality: the first heartbreak, sensitive family problems and other important things which defines one’s character and habits. Trust is not just confiding in each other, but in this way you will finally get to know one’s character; and then having a feeling of security towards each other. We should note that relationship in the first place is one important aspect in our lives, a feeling in which someone can accept us despite our natural flaws. Another thing why trust should be developed is because this will be your security in the challenges that will come your way. If you trust each other, then overcoming the tides that would come will be easier for both of you.

The value of RESPECT

After gaining friendship, acceptance and trust; comes another challenge, which is also very essential in a strong relationship: the value of respect. Discovering the depths of one’s character also means a challenge if you still can respect him or her despite his painful past, or unpleasant experience. Respect is also another word for ‘security’, for if you are certain that your partner respects you just the way you do, then it also means he would respect your self-worth, your character and the whole YOU. Gaining someone’s respect isn’t easy, especially if he couldn’t accept some aspects about you. However, this will also define how much he loves you, for if he can respect the whole you despite everything, that he’s definitely worthy for having you.

Along the way… LOVE develops.

Being friends with someone, accepting him, trusting him, respecting him doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sure enough to gain his love. It will still all depend on the beat of one’s heart—which one cannot define expect that person. However, you can have a hint by depending on some of your instincts, his efforts, his time, the depth of your friendship, how much he accepts, trusts and respects you. True love just comes out naturally in each other, and if you have successfully gained all the past levels before having this one, love will not be that hard to develop because you now know each other better, and you already have given him a part of yourself. But take note—it still depends on your chemistry and the beat of each other’s hearts. J

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Here are just some of my beliefs in a strong relationship based on my personal experiences, friends’ advices and books that I’ve read; and who would believe that I haven’t yet found the right one? Just to share a piece of me, I’ve met most guys whom I thought deserves that much but sad to say, they haven’t stepped up to other levels. But for me, I would rather settle down being single and happy waiting for that right person rather imposing on myself a certain person just for the sake of having someone.

I'm not a morning person. Really.

There’s something wonderful about waking up this morning…

I don’t know. Maybe because I woke up early, and I won’t be battling with the sun’s scorching heat that sifts through my window.

I got out of my bed at 7:30, went straight into the comfort room and head right into my desktop to pull the words out of my tongue. And in a wee second, I recall my dream… Something I’ve been dreaming (or praying) for a year now since I’ve learned to realized I was having so much fun without knowing my limitations beyond those responsibilities in college life.

I was with my friends at our graduation day, and we were overwhelmed with joy knowing that each of us have finally made it (without anyone being left one) despite all the hardships and sacrifices in our four years of pursuit. What’s still vivid in my flights of fancy are the tears and smiles on our faces, especially that toga everyone is wearing proudly.

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And then I suddenly woke up to reality…

As seconds passes, I started to remember immediately that being with my true friends on my graduation day will forever remain on my fantasy. In the past years of my college life, I’ve been sleeping so much with conceived dreams, without giving birth to them. I had so much fun way back then, but never did I thought about my future. Each day is living it up to the fullest without thinking of the coming days. And boy, never did I ask myself, “what’s next after graduation?”

When I finally learned that I would not be graduating on time, I came to realize all the wasted time and efforts, of sacrifices that turned to nothing. Sooner, I learned to accept the consequences of my actions that I should’ve done my best in everything even though not knowing my desired course. Maybe God didn’t give me the gift of foresight just so I would fight for my dream against all the shackles and boundaries.

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The rays of the sunlight that spilled through my face woke me up this morning with another day and another hope. This morning is unusual unlike all the other. God woke me up this morning with a thought… “Face this day by putting your dreams into action”.